


Four Letter Word

by msmorie



Category: Jrock, X JAPAN
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2019-09-12 17:54:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16877529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msmorie/pseuds/msmorie
Summary: A series of one-shot, standalone slice of life HxS stories.





	1. HATE

“I don’t fucking understand why you’re so stubborn!”

“Of course you wouldn’t! You’re only thinking of yourself!”

“I don’t need to put up with this shit. If you need me, I’ll be at Ryuichi’s.”

“Good! You can go back to your fucking ex!”

 

The door slammed and Sugizo disappeared into the frigid January night.

 

Heath was not a violent person but right now he wanted to punch something, break something. He pitied the next person to come knocking at the door; they’d surely get a fist in the face, even if it was Mother Teresa.

He threw himself onto the sofa and grabbed one of the fat cushions, squeezing it hard to try and get rid of some of this pent up tension and anger. He didn’t even know what they had been fighting about or how it had started, but it had devolved into name-calling and dragging out each other’s flaws, down to the tiniest, pettiest detail. Sugizo had called him reticent and emotionally distant. He had accused Sugizo of being a self-absorbed attention whore. At one point they had even exchanged _I hate you_ s.

He snatched up the remote control and turned the television on, flicking through the channels. News, news, variety show, cooking show, lame drama, weather. After going through the loop twice, he finally settled on some zombie movie. If he couldn’t break something, at least it would be cathartic to watch other people beat the crap out of some zombies.

He couldn’t concentrate on the movie, though. His mind kept wandering back to Sugizo and once he’d finally calmed down, he decided it was best just to suck it up and apologise. He picked up his phone and typed up a text message.

I’m sorry. 

He wasn’t sorry, not really, but he quickly hit send before he had time to change his mind and tossed the phone onto the sofa.

Sugizo was always quick to respond, but this time Heath’s phone remained quiet. After ten or fifteen minutes Heath checked to see if he hadn’t accidentally switched it to silent (he hadn’t) and sent another text.

I’m really sorry. Can we talk? 

When that one went unanswered as well, he figured that Sugizo must be really pissed off and that it would be best to give him some space.

The zombie movie ended and the news ran. Some stupid scandal in politics, reports of harsh weather in Hokkaido. Heath glanced at his phone, sighed and scrolled through his list of recent contacts to call Sugizo.

“Your call could not be connected. Please try again later.”

He’d switched his phone off. No wonder he wasn’t replying. Heath hugged the cushion and gazed at the door. It had been probably a couple of hours since Sugizo had left.

_“If you need me, I’ll be at Ryuichi’s.”_

_“Good! You can go back to your fucking ex!”_

Thinking back on these words, Heath felt cold all over. Ryuichi was a dear friend; they all hung out together fairly regularly and it was never awkward, but right now he seemed more like a threat. Even though he and Sugizo had broken up ages ago, the two were still very close. What if…?

Swallowing his pride, Heath called Ryuichi. It rang and rang and it made him feel sick to think that they might be in bed together, fu—

“Hi!” Ryuichi sounded out of breath. “Sorry about that. I was in the shower.”

“Oh, um, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“No no, it’s fine,” Ryuichi said cheerfully. “What’s up?”

“Is Sugizo there? I just need to talk to him.”

There was a pause. “Uhhhh. Sugizo’s not here.”

Heath sighed and rubbed his face with his free hand. “Ryuichi, please?”

“Heath, _he isn’t here_.”

“I know he’s mad at me, but I just want to talk with him.”

Another pause. “Did you guys have a fight?”

Heath sighed again. “Yes. I just want to apologise and I want him to come home. Can you please ask him to come to the phone? Or at least call me when he’s less mad?”

“Sugizo isn’t here, Heath,” Ryuichi said gently. “I’m not covering for him. He actually isn’t here. I haven’t seen him, I haven’t heard from him. The last time he called or texted me was two or three days ago to say that he was running late for a meeting.”

"But…" Heath’s mind spun. “He said he was going to your place.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, except that it’s just me here.”

Heath bit his lip. The irrational side of him thought that Ryuichi might be lying and that Sugizo was right behind him, shaking his head and saying he didn’t want to come to the phone. The rational side of him said if he wasn’t at Ryuichi’s, then where was he?

“Are you okay?” Ryuichi asked when Heath was quiet.

“I don’t know where he is. He’s switched his phone off. I can’t… I can’t even remember what we were fighting about.” Heath’s voice cracked. “He… he said he was going to your place and— and I said ‘good,’ and he left, and… I was worried that…”

Now it was Ryuichi’s turn to sigh. “That moron.”

A sob caught in Heath’s throat. “I said I hated him.”

“Oh… oh Heath. I know you didn’t mean that, and he knows you didn’t mean it either.”

“I’m worried about him,” Heath said in a small voice. “I tried calling him and texting but he’s not answering. I’m so afraid something’s happened to him.”

“He’ll come ‘round,” Ryuichi said. “And hey, if I see or hear from him, I’ll make him call you, okay? I'll give him a real earful.”

"No no no, please don't yell at him," Heath pleaded. "I just want him to be okay."

Ryuichi felt deflated at how upset Heath was. "Fine. But... listen. Sugizo's not the type to do anything stupid. Okay?"

“Okay. Sorry to have to bother you.”

 

Heath hung up and scrunched down on the sofa, clutching his phone in his hands.

 

* * *

 

Sugizo kicked an empty Sprite can as hard as he could. _Stupid_. He’s gotten all the way down to the parking lot and realised he’d left his keys and wallet inside, on the kitchen counter. He couldn’t very well go back to get them and risk a bigger fight with Heath, so he did the only thing he could think to do: he walked. He didn’t even know where he was walking to. He didn’t really intend to go to Ryuichi’s place, especially since he couldn’t get into his car, so he just walked.

His phone vibrated; probably Heath trying to get the last word in. He switched the phone off without bothering to look at the message, shoving it deep into the back pocket of his jeans. He shivered. It was cold, and the leather jacket he wore wasn’t quite warm enough.

He sought refuge in a little coffee shop, managing to scrounge up enough loose change from his pockets for a hot drink, and he sat in a secluded corner sipping at his coffee for as long as he could. He would have stayed longer, but then the staff began to clear away the tables, and _Auld Lang Syne_ began to play over the speakers. Sugizo gritted his teeth and left the warm coffee shop for the cold streets.

Sugizo found himself walking back the way he came. He looked at his watch. It was just past 11pm. All around him, the streets were quiet and the houses were dark. Their own apartment building was dark as well. He scanned the windows; one apartment had its lights on but it was a couple of floors above theirs.

He slowly took the stairs. His hands and face felt numb from the cold. If he could sit in his car all night, he would. Better than being out in the cold.

When he arrived at the door he raised his hand to knock, but thought better of it. What if Heath was asleep? Worse still, what if he came to the door in a temper? At least Heath hadn’t thrown all of his things out in a fit of rage, he thought wryly. He didn’t think Heath had it in him to be _that_ mad. Yoshiki, maybe, but not Heath.

Sugizo sat on the floor, wrapping his arms about his knees for warmth and leaned back against the wall. His phone jutted out awkwardly in his back pocket so he fished it out and, after a minute’s hesitation, switched it on. The brightness of the screen was blinding, and then his phone went off, again and again, as a slew of messages filled the screen.

The first one was from some website he’d never heard of, congratulating him on being the millionth viewer and prompting him to claim a free iPad as his prize. How the hell did they even get his number?

The rest were from Heath, and one from Ryuichi.

I’m sorry.

I’m really sorry. Can we talk?

[ missed call: HEATH ]

I just called Ryuichi. He said you’re not there. Please call me.

I didn’t mean the things I said.

Heath just called me. He said you had a fight. He’s worried about you. Can you please call him? If you don’t want to talk to him, can you call me just so he can stop worrying?

I’m really really sorry. I know I’m horrible.

You don’t have to talk to me. Just text me. Please?

I just need to know you’re okay.

Where are you?

I’m really worried about you.

[ missed call: HEATH ]

[ missed call: HEATH ]

I’m going to leave my phone on. Don’t worry about waking me.

I’m scared something’s happened to you.

If you’re still mad at me that’s fine, please please just let me know you’re okay.

Sugizo, please come home.

 

Sugizo stared at the last message until his eyes blurred with tears.

 

* * *

 

The very second his phone rang, Heath picked up, not even bothering to see who the caller was.

“Hello?” he said tentatively.

There was the sound of someone sighing on the other end. “I’m sorry.”

Heath swallowed hard. “Are you okay?”

Another sigh. “No.”

“What happened?” Heath sat up immediately. “Where are you? I’ll come get you, just—”

There was a long sniffle and Heath realised that Sugizo had been crying.

“I hurt you, haven’t I? God, it feels fucking shitty. I’m so sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter! Are you okay?”

“I didn’t go to Ryuichi’s, I just… I don't know why I said that, I know that was a horrible thing to do. I feel like such an asshole. I _am_ an asshole.”

“It’s not just you. I said some awful things to y—”

“You’re not emotionally distant. You’re the sweetest person I know.”

Heath felt like he had stopped breathing. “Sugizo, please come home. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. Can you let me in?”

“I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to shut you out, I care about you so m—”

There was another sniffle and a short laugh. “No, I mean can you open the door and let me in? It’s fucking cold out here.”

“Wha…” Heath floundered for a second before racing to the front door and yanking it open.

 

Sugizo was sitting on the floor outside, huddled into a ball. He looked up. Heath’s eyes were red and glassy from crying. He hauled Sugizo up and pulled him inside, kicking the door shut behind them.

Heath hugged him tightly, rubbing his back hard to warm him up. “Why didn’t you just come in?”

“Because I’m stupid. I left my keys and wallet here.” Sugizo shivered.

“Where the hell did you go?”

“Nowhere. I just walked up the street, sat in a coffee shop and walked back.”

Sugizo let himself be dragged to the bathroom, stripped, and pushed into a hot shower. When he came out of the bathroom in some loose pyjama pants and an old Kuroyume t-shirt, Heath thrust a scalding mug of tea into his hands, sat him down at the end of the bed and plugged the hairdryer in.

Sugizo sipped at his tea and closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of the hairdryer and the feel of Heath’s fingers running through his hair. It made him shiver in a nice way.

“See what I mean about how sweet you are?” he said.

“Shut up, you dumbass.”

“There you go calling me names again.” Sugizo glanced back at him cheekily, but Heath turned the hair dryer off and his hands dropped into his lap.

“I _hate_ that I said I hate you,” he said quietly.

Sugizo looked down at his tea. “I said it, too. It was a stupid thing to say.”

“I hate everything that I said. I hate it.”

“I know you didn’t mean it. We just let things get out of hand, I guess.” Sugizo placed his tea on the nightstand. “I’m sorry I let you think that I was going to, you know, sleep with Ryuichi to piss you off. I would never, ever do that. He wouldn’t go for that, either.”

“I know. I just got sort of… paranoid.”

“What the hell were we even fighting about?”

“I have no fucking clue. I feel so dumb.” Heath pulled Sugizo into his arms, rubbing his back gently, and they just sat like that on the bed for a while, until Sugizo let his arms drift down to Heath’s waist and tickled him.

“Hey!” Heath shoved him away, giggling nervously. “Stop that.”

“No.” Sugizo held him down and tickled him fiercely.

Heath thrashed about on the bed, laughing helplessly. “S-stop… or I’ll… kick… you… in the… fucking… head!”

When that didn’t work, Heath had to resort to begging.

“Please please please… stop… can’t… breathe…!”

“Okay, okay,” Sugizo relented, and kissed him instead. They kissed deeply and passionately and soon they both felt very hot and bothered.

“Why are you still wearing clothes?” Sugizo murmured.

Heath tugged at his hair, grinding his hips against Sugizo’s. “Because you haven’t taken them off me yet.”

 

Make up sex had never felt so good, and in the throes of their lovemaking Heath found himself begging again.

“Please don’t stop… oh god, please don’t…”

“I won’t.” Sugizo’s voice was deep and husky with lust. “I won’t ever stop loving you.”


	2. GIFT

“Happy birthday.”

 

Sugizo looked up from his guitar and stared at the little plastic dog that Heath had set on the table before him. He narrowed his eyes in confusion. “It’s not my birthday.”

“I know, but I saw him at the shop and thought he was cute.” Heath smiled and chuckled. “He looked so lonely all by himself, so I decided to give him a home.”

“This is what I love about you,” Sugizo said. “You have the sweetest heart of anyone I know.”

 

A few days later, Heath was making a cup of tea when Sugizo tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and came face to face with a small plush alpaca.

“Who’s this?” he asked.

“I thought the dog could use a friend,” Sugizo said.

 

Over the next few weeks they kept up the game of buying each other silly presents. Sugizo bought Heath a tiny plastic chair for the dog to sit in. Heath came home with a little hat for the alpaca. Then a miniature Godzilla joined them. Heath had laughed himself sick when Sugizo found a frilly apron for Godzilla to wear. The next week, Godzilla donned a white veil and married a rubber duck in a bikini. The celebrant was Mario. They had their honeymoon in the bathtub, floating on a plastic boat.

 

Finally when they had to move the collection of toys to their own shelf in the spare room, Heath decided it was getting out of control. “We have to stop this!”

“You started it,” Sugizo retorted.

“The dog was a once-off. _You_ started it with the alpaca.”

“I admit, maybe the pile of Totoros was a bit much…”

“Uh-huh.” Heath nodded. “So we have a deal, right? No more funny little toys.”

“I promise,” Sugizo said solemnly.

 

And so the collection of toys stayed as it was.

 

A week or so later, Heath was sitting at the kitchen bench, scribbling down snatches of a tune in his head. He turned around when he heard Sugizo giggle, and a little remote controlled Ferrari zoomed past with six tiny Kirbys in it.

 


	3. CALL

Heath lay on the sofa reading a magazine with his legs dangling over the end. He glanced at his phone. It lay silently on the coffee table.

Sugizo had been on tour with Luna Sea for the past couple of months or so, and Heath missed him. He often thought about calling, and they exchanged texts, but Heath didn’t like the idea of bothering him too much. Sugizo was usually pretty good about calling every few nights, but Heath of all people certainly knew how exhausting touring was, and that Sugizo didn’t need to be staying up even later talking on the phone.

Tonight was the final show at Makuhari Messe, though, so he was hoping to get a call or a text or _something_.

 

When his phone finally rang, Heath was all but falling asleep in front of the television. As soon as he answered the call, all he could hear was loud dance music and shouting. After several seconds of trying to make out the noises, Heath shouted, “I can’t hear you!”

There was a muffled rustling noise and then someone was yelling down the phone, “He misses you!”

It took a second for Heath to recognise J’s voice amongst the din.

“Hey, give it back!” Sugizo’s voice sounded dim in the background.

“He keeps talking about how he wants to call you, but he doesn’t want to wake you up!”

“Fuck _off_!” Sugizo wrestled his phone out of J’s hands and for a while Heath didn’t hear anything, until the other end of the phone suddenly went quieter.

“Umm… are you still there?” he asked.

“Sorry, had to get my phone off that dumbass.” There was an odd echo to Sugizo’s voice. “I hope we didn’t wake you. J just grabbed my phone off me.”

“Where are you?”

“The afterparty at some club.” Sugizo laughed. “I’m hiding out in the toilet.”

Heath got up off the sofa and stretched. “Good show, then?”

“Fucking incredible. But I can’t wait to come home.”

“Me, too. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.” Sugizo’s voice sounded wistful. “I’ll be home tonight but it’ll be late. Don’t wait up for me, okay?”

“Oh… okay.”

“See you at home. Love you.”

"Love you, too."

 

* * *

 

It was close to 3am by the time Sugizo got home.

He unlocked the front door as quietly as he could, glad that Heath had left the lights on inside so that he wouldn’t have to stumble around in the dark. He removed his shoes and tiptoed down the corridor and then sighed, shaking his head.

He put his duffle bag on the floor, crossed the room and knelt down beside the sofa, kissing Heath very gently to avoid waking him up.

“I told you not to wait up for me. But I love that you tried.”

 


	4. TIES

“Do you like them?” Heath held two bouquets of sunny yellow roses in his arms.

“They’re beautiful.” Sugizo touched one of the delicate blooms. “Why yellow, though? Isn’t red more traditional?”

Heath gave him a bright smile. “Yellow roses symbolise friendship and joy.”

“Nice,” Sugizo said. “I never thought that flowers could be so complicated.”

He held the car door open for Heath and they carefully placed both bouquets in the back seat.

“Where are we going first?” Heath asked, buckling his seatbelt.

Sugizo started the car. “Miura Reien.”

 

The drive to Miura Reien was spent mostly in silence, except for the radio playing softly in the background. It was still very early in the morning so traffic was light and they had no trouble parking the car.

Heath held one of the bouquets in one hand and, with his other hand, reached for Sugizo’s. Sugizo smiled and grasped his hand firmly as they made their way up the familiar path to hide’s grave where Sugizo dutifully cleaned out the dead flowers, while Heath added more water to the vases and flowerpots before arranging the yellow roses in an empty vase.

They heard approaching footsteps and turned to see Yoshiki walking up the path with a bouquet of deep red roses in one hand and a bottle of Dom Pérignon in the other. Even though he smiled at them, they could tell that he was sad. None of them had quite learned to cope with it, least of all Yoshiki. He put on a very strong front but his heart was very delicate.

Heath and Sugizo stepped back and watched Yoshiki carefully set the bottle of Dom down and placed the red roses in the vase with their yellow ones. He clasped his hands and bowed his head. After a couple of minutes, Heath just put an arm around his shoulders and gave him a comforting squeeze. It said more than any words ever could, and Yoshiki let his hands fall to his sides.

They stood like that for a while until Heath said, “Remember how hide always used to bring us candy when we were recording? He said it makes the creativity flow—”

“—flow from our hearts.” Yoshiki opened his eyes and allowed himself a small smile at this fond memory. “He always did have these funny little ideas, didn’t he?”

Sugizo made a noise of agreement. “Sometimes I think about Luna Sea and how we probably wouldn’t be where we are now, doing what we love after all these decades, if hide hadn’t been there for us. It’s sort of crazy to think that one person can turn your life—so many people’s lives—around, but that’s just what he did.”

“I wouldn’t be here without hide, either,” Heath said. “When I met him, I’d barely been in Tokyo for a year. He made such a big deal of introducing me to other people, and then he wouldn’t stop pestering me until I agreed to join X.”

Yoshiki finally cracked a smile. “I’ll never forget the day he dragged you into the studio to meet the rest of us. Shy, skinny kid from Kansai with a gigantic hangover.”

Sugizo looked at Heath, surprised. “I always thought you were exaggerating about that.”

“He _made_ me go drinking with him and wouldn’t let me go home!”

“That was definitely one of hide’s many talents,” Sugizo said with a grin. “But he had the most amazing and effortless way of looking after everybody, as well.”

“He was always trying to make me eat more because he was afraid that I was too thin,” Heath said.

Yoshiki leaned back and looked at Heath critically. “I still think that you’re too thin. Sugizo needs to feed you more.”

“Sugizo likes him just the way he is,” the guitarist said, looking very smug.

Heath’s cheeks turned pink and he quickly changed the subject. “We were going to visit Taiji next. Did you want to come with us?”

“It’s okay, I’ll visit him another time,” Yoshiki said with a small smile. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to spend some more time with hide alone.”

 

The two of them nodded understandingly and walked back to the car, hand in hand.

 

The drive to Ichikawa Reien took a couple of hours, but they weren’t in any rush. Their lives tended to be so busy that it was nice to be able to enjoy a long, quiet drive with just the two of them.

“Look,” Sugizo said, pointing. There was a small bunch of cheerful sunflowers in one of the vases at Taiji’s grave, probably left by a fan.

Heath smiled and tucked the second bouquet of yellow roses in the vase with the sunflowers.

“You know, I don’t really believe in the whole ‘fate’ thing, but have you ever thought about how we’ve just visited our own predecessors?” Heath mused.

“Huh, you’re right.” Sugizo slipped an arm around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “It’s too bad we never got to know Taiji too well. I bet he’d have some amazing stories.”

Heath agreed. “He just seems like that kind of guy, doesn’t he.”

“We’ll never forget them,” Sugizo said. “The world will never forget them.”

 

They stood there quietly for a little while longer before departing, and the bright yellow flowers beamed happily in the strong summer sun.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of self-indulgent, self-insertion in this one. I visited Taiji after Lunatic Fest 2018 and left some happy sunflowers for him :)


	5. LIPS

Sugizo woke up to something tickling his face, and then there was something soft and warm at his neck. He smiled sleepily. “Mmm. Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Heath murmured between kisses.

The guitarist sighed and threaded his fingers through Heath’s hair. “Have I ever told you how much I love your kisses?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Because I _love_ your kisses.”

“You’re such a sap,” Heath teased him.

“Yeah but you love it, right?”

“You know I do,” Heath agreed, kissing his lips and making his lover sigh again. “Care to join me for a shower?”

Every now and then they liked to shower together and make love, but this morning Sugizo had something else on his mind.

“You go on ahead,” he said. “I’m too comfortable right now.”

“Aw. Fine.” Heath pouted a little but Sugizo kissed it back into a smile.

 

As soon as he heard the shower running, Sugizo leapt out of bed, grabbed a t-shirt and jeans off the floor and scrambled into the kitchen.

 

Heath enjoyed taking long showers so by the time he was done, the entire apartment was filled with the warm, sweet smell of fresh pancakes.

“What’s going on?” he asked, wrapping his arms around Sugizo and resting his chin on his shoulder. Sugizo gave him a quick kiss. “Sit, I’m almost done.”

 

A little bewildered, Heath sat at the coffee table and waited patiently for him to return with two plates of pancakes with whipped cream and fresh berries, dusted with icing sugar.

 

“These are fantastic!” Heath said around a mouthful of pancakes and berries.

“Are they really?” Sugizo looked pleased.

Heath nodded enthusiastically. “When did you learn how to cook like this?”

Sugizo was a lot of things, but ‘domestic’ wasn’t one of them. He shoved a forkful of pancakes in his mouth. “I watched a lot of YouTube and got Toshi to come over and help me.”

Heath pushed his chair back and got up to sit in Sugizo’s lap, straddling him. “Thank you,” he said softly, dipping a finger into the whipped cream, letting Sugizo lick it off and then kissing him deeply.

Sugizo sighed. “Have I ever told you how much I love your kisses?” he asked again.

“Mm-hmm,” Heath purred. “Good, because I could never get tired of kissing you.”

 


	6. LUCK

Heath could tell that Sugizo was having a bad day. He could hear it from where he was, curled up in bed, while Sugizo was getting ready. There was a string of intermittent cursing coming from the bathroom and then he emerged with a towel around his waist and a blood-stained tissue pressed against his face.

Heath stared at him. “Are you okay?”

Sugizo just scowled and started getting dressed, sighing loudly.

Heath sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Sugizo growled.

 

The bassist sat up in bed and watched as Sugizo dragged a hand through his hair, took a deep breath and headed out to the kitchen for some breakfast.

 

Heath shrugged and slowly got out of bed. He had a quick shower and just as he was pulling on his jeans, he heard a blood-curdling scream. He rushed out to the living room to see Sugizo curled up on the floor, whimpering.

“Jesus christ, what happened? Are you okay?!”

Sugizo let out an agonised groan. “Stubbed my fucking toe!”

Heath blinked and then started laughing.

“It’s not funny!” Sugizo retorted. “God, has someone moved the fucking table?”

“Of course not,” Heath said, still laughing.  
“I swear to god someone’s moved it!” Still wincing, Sugizo got up from the floor and limped to the kitchen, where the kettle had just finished boiling, and then he stopped. “Heath… would you mind making me a cup of tea?”

“Why?” Heath asked. “I mean, I’d love to, but it’s right in front of you.”

“You’re just _so_ much better at making tea than I am,” Sugizo said, eyeing the steaming kettle warily.

“...are you afraid to touch the kettle?” Heath teased.

“Nooo…”

“All right then…” Heath dropped a teabag in Sugizo’s mug and filled it with water from the kettle.

“Thank you.” Sugizo kissed him on the cheek.

Heath grinned. “You’re welcome, but what’s going on with you today?”

“I’m cursed.”

Heath stared at him. “You’re what?”

“I’m cursed,” Sugizo said again.

“Because you stubbed your toe?”

“I also got shampoo in my eye and cut myself shaving.”

Heath chuckled. “So what? That happens to everyone.”

“Not all in one morning. I’m telling you, I’m cursed today,” Sugizo insisted.

“Ookay,” Heath said, turning around and rummaging in the fridge for something to eat.

 

He’d just bitten into an apple when there was an almighty smash behind him and Sugizo was screaming obscenities. He’d tripped over his laptop cable and dropped his mug, spilling scalding hot tea all over himself and his open laptop.

Heath grabbed a roll of paper towels to mop up the mess. “Are you all right?”

“No, I’m fucking _cursed_!” Sugizo snapped.

“You’re not cursed, you’ve just had an accident,” Heath said soothingly, leading him to the kitchen sink to run his arm under cold water.

“Fucking laptop’s probably ruined,” Sugizo muttered under his breath.

“You’ve got everything backed up, right?”

“Yes. I think. Probably.”

“Then it’s fine, don’t worry.” Heath gave him a hug.

 

Sugizo’s string of bad luck continued when his car wouldn’t start.

“It’s a sign,” he said, letting his hands drop in his lap. “I _have_ to stay at home. If I go out today, a piano’s probably gonna fall on my head.”

“You’re not gonna die,” Heath said. “Look, we’ll take my car and I’ll drive. Okay?”

“Can’t I just stay home?”

“This recording session’s already been cancelled once,” Heath reminded him.

Sugizo sniffed. “Yeah, but that was Yoshiki’s fault. The universe doesn’t revolve around him. Besides, I have a _legitimate_ reason.”

“I don’t know that being ‘cursed’ is a legitimate reason…”

“Yeah, well, neither is Yoshiki being hungover and surrounded by blonde models on a beach in Aruba!”

  
It took a lot of work, but Heath finally managed to convince Sugizo to swap cars. Just as the guitarist stooped to get into Heath’s car, the sunglasses fell off the top off his head. He sighed loudly and picked them up… and smacked his head getting into the car.

“Oh shit.” Heath covered his mouth, trying not to laugh.

Sugizo rubbed his sore head and gave him a dirty look.

 

The recording session didn’t go all too well, either. When they arrived, Pata had asked what was wrong with Sugizo, only to receive a murderous glare in return. Heath just patted his arm and told Pata that Sugizo was having a bad day. Yoshiki arrived two hours late, which annoyed him even more. Then he picked up a page of sheet music and received a paper cut. There was a fly buzzing around the studio and it wouldn’t stop bothering Sugizo until he decided he’d had enough, and the other four watched with their mouths hanging open as their usually cool and collected guitarist chased after the fly with a rolled-up newspaper, yelling about how he was going to kill the ‘tiny black bastard’. When they all got up for a break, he tripped over some cables; the sunglasses fell off his head again and he stepped on them. Then, at the beginning of a song, two of his guitar strings snapped, one after the other. He’d stared at it for a minute, then slowly put the guitar down and walked off to the bathroom. Even through the closed door, they could hear him screaming.

At that point even Yoshiki had decided that Sugizo had had enough and sent them all home. Sugizo scrunched down in the passenger seat of Heath’s car and sulked the entire way, even when Heath stopped for some ice cream cones to cheer him up. They sat on the bonnet of his car, eating their ice creams, and Sugizo nearly cried when the top scoop of his ice cream plopped onto the ground. To appease him, Heath bought him another ice cream in a cup.

 

They made it home without any further incident and Sugizo immediately curled up on the sofa and hugged his knees.

“Are you okay?” Heath asked gently. “What can I do to make you feel better?”

Sugizo pouted and thought about it for a moment. “I want Star Trek and I want cuddles.”

Heath chuckled to himself and went to put on a Star Trek DVD, and curled up on the couch with him, wrapping his arms around him. “Better?”

“Mmph.” Sugizo grunted. He was still pouting. “I want kisses.”

Heath was more than happy to oblige, giving him the sweetest kisses that finally made Sugizo smile. Since he was enjoying it so much, Heath decided to take it a little further and pulled Sugizo down on top of him.

“Think you’re up for it?” Heath teased him.

“Always,” Sugizo purred.

And it felt great, having awesome sex on the couch with their pants about their knees like horny teenagers, finally feeling that something was going well today. Heath was nearing his end when Sugizo suddenly stopped.

“Wha… what’s wrong, why’d you stop?” Heath said breathlessly.

Sugizo's face was contorted in pain and he clutched at his leg. “ _Cramp_!”

 


	7. GIVE

In the dim light of pre-dawn, Heath awoke to a combination of sensations.

 

One: his legs felt very heavy and didn’t seem to want to move.

 

Two: there was something hot and wet at his cock.

 

Three: he was very, very hard.

 

Through the haze of sleep and unexpectedly blissful arousal it took him almost an entire minute to figure out what was happening to him. Sugizo was beneath the covers, going down on him with that slutty mouth of his.

And it felt fucking good.

Sugizo licked and sucked at him, teasing him with his tongue in a way that was both incredible, and incredibly infuriating, and Heath loved every moment of it. His breathing hitched in his throat and he closed his eyes to concentrate on what Sugizo was doing to him, and he finally managed to gather enough strength to push the covers back, reaching down to tangle his fingers in his lover’s hair and let him know how much he appreciated this treatment.

 

“Su… ohhh _god…_ ” was all he managed to say before Sugizo took him deeper into his mouth and the rest of his words melted into a deep moan. Sugizo smiled and hummed in satisfaction, sending another shockwave of pleasure coursing through Heath’s body and his skin burned with need.

“ _Fu-uck_ …” he moaned.

Sugizo let his cock slip out with a wet sucking noise and Heath whimpered at the loss of that hot mouth until a hand closed around him, giving him a few expert strokes.

“Do you like that?” Sugizo’s voice was low and darkly sensual in the way that only Sugizo could be.

“Mm-hmm…”

“What do you want?”

Unable to form the words, Heath just gently pushed Sugizo’s head back down, but Sugizo just chuckled and shook his head.

“No no no, you have to tell me.”

Heath was hard enough to want to flip him over and fuck him and Sugizo knew it, so he settled his weight on top of Heath to pin him down and looked up at him expectantly.

Finally Heath managed to utter the words, “Your mouth.”

Sugizo smiled. “Where?”

“My cock.”

That was all the encouragement he needed. Without breaking eye contact, Sugizo dipped his head and very slowly ran his tongue up Heath’s length and it was all he could do not to throw his head back and moan, just so that he could watch through half-lidded eyes while Sugizo pleasured him with his mouth. God he was good with that mouth, kissing up and down his cock, moving up to kiss and mouth at the tip before lapping at him with his tongue so shamelessly, eager to show his lover how he felt about him. Not that there was ever any doubt about that.

Heath was already reduced to a writhing, moaning mess of raging lust and desire and then Sugizo took him in his mouth again in one swift movement, gently sliding his lips over him, and the agonising intensity of it had Heath arching his back with a shuddering breath, one hand desperately twisting in the sheets while the other hand was clenched in Sugizo’s auburn locks. With his mouth full of cock, Sugizo paused and looked up at him in a teasing way as if to ask, _Did you like that?_ with the most annoying smirk in his eyes, knowing full well that he had.

Sugizo began to suck him slowly, gently, rhythmically and Heath rocked his hips, fucking his mouth and moaning for him. With each thrust, Sugizo gradually took him deeper into his mouth and a ragged whine of _fuck_ fell from Heath’s lips when the tip of his cock squeezed into the tight heat of the back of Sugizo’s throat.

Sugizo pulled away briefly and shifted his position; as he did, his own neglected erection, thick and heavy, brushed against Heath’s leg. Almost reflexively, Heath moved his leg to rub against him, making him purr. He loved to feel how hard Sugizo was for him and he wanted to touch him badly.

“Let me,” Heath whispered breathlessly, trying to get up.

Sugizo just shook his head and smiled, pushing him back down against the pillows. “Next time. Not now. Today’s all about you.”

They kissed, deep and slow and barely stopping to breathe, until Sugizo broke away and took Heath back into his mouth with a fast, deep sucking motion that made him tense up all over and his head spin, grabbing Sugizo’s hair tightly in both hands. Sugizo mirrored his moans as sucked him off with one hand sliding up and down his shaft, and his other hand left Heath’s hip to drop between his legs and tug at his own leaking cock. He loved having Heath squirming and panting beneath him, loved to see him come undone in the throes of pleasure; sometimes it was even better than having sex because he had him completely at his mercy, a show of absolute love and trust in the selfless act of pleasuring his lover, with his own pleasure a distant second. Heath’s deliciously desperate whines and moans almost became too much for Sugizo and he quickened his pace, feeling Heath’s cock tense up in his hand and there was a hoarse, strangled moan when he spilled himself into Sugizo’s mouth. Sugizo took it all, swallowing around him and licking him clean, moaning into his spent cock while he rode out his own orgasm.

 

Heath was panting hard and his head lolled to one side. He watched with glazed eyes while Sugizo wiped his hands clean and discarded the tissues in the trash.

“God, that was incredible,” Heath said breathlessly.

“I love it when you call me _god_.” Sugizo smirked. He climbed back into bed with him and pulled Heath into his arms. “Happy birthday, love.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, my hand slipped and I did a smut :|


	8. KISS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for Teemeah - it's entirely G-rated I promise! XD

From across the table came a long, forlorn sigh. “Heath?”

“Mm?”

“What do you get for the girl who has everything?”

Heath’s coffee cup stopped at his lips and he peered at Sugizo over the top of his book. “Is it Luna’s birthday already?”

Sugizo nodded glumly. “I can’t think of a single thing to get her.”

“Is that why you’ve been looking so constipated this whole week?” Heath snickered at his own joke.

“You’re not being very helpful,” Sugizo said peevishly.

“Sorry.” Heath tried to hide his smile. “How about clothes? Girls like clothes, don’t they?”

“You do _not_ want to buy a girl’s clothes for her,” Sugizo said. “Clothes and shoes are deeply personal. She takes after me.”

“She _is_ a daddy’s girl after all,” Heath conceded.

“Damn straight she is,” Sugizo said proudly.

“Computer stuff?”

“She has two laptops and a brand new iPad.”

“Video games?”

“Not a gamer.”

Heath put down his book and he took a slow, thoughtful sip of coffee. “Tell you what. Why don’t you fly over to LA and spend some quality time with her?”

“That sounds kinda lame…”

“It’s not,” Heath insisted. “What could be better? She has everything, you said so yourself. The only thing she doesn’t have…” here Heath got up and leaned all the way across the little table and poked him in the chest, “...is her dad.”

Sugizo took a drink of his coffee and pondered upon this.

“You could take her shopping, the movies, dinner,” Heath went on. “Money can buy a lot of things, but it can’t buy you memories.”

“Hmm… you have a point,” Sugizo conceded.

“See?”

Suddenly Sugizo lit up. “You should come with me!”

“What? Oh, I dunno…” Heath slowly sat back down again and looked doubtful.

“Come on. You could meet her properly.”

“I’ve met Luna before,” Heath reminded him.

“You haven’t actually seen her since you and I got together,” Sugizo said.

“I don’t know,” Heath said again. “I don’t want to intrude…”

“You wouldn’t be intruding. You’re family.” Sugizo regarded him carefully. “What’s the problem?”

“Well… it’s just that… what if she doesn’t like me?” Heath mumbled.

Sugizo stared at him and then started laughing. “That’s stupid. Why wouldn’t she?”

“Well, you know…” Heath looked very uncomfortable.

“Of course she likes you! Remember how you used to play together? You’d make her laugh so hard she cried. ‘Uncle Heath’, she’d call you.”

“All three year olds like being held upside down by their ankles!” Heath protested. “What is she, twenty now?”

“So what?”

Heath’s cheeks turned pink and he looked away, muttering something about ‘evil step-father’.

“Oh… oh Heath…” Sugizo chuckled and wrapped his arms about Heath’s slender frame, nuzzling his hair. “Is that what you’re worried about?”

Heath looked pensive. “What if she doesn’t like us being together?”

“I don’t know how to break this to you,” Sugizo said dryly. “But SHE KNOWS. I haven’t exactly been keeping you a secret from her.”

“Still…”

“She’s old enough to know that me being with you doesn’t mean I could love her any less,” Sugizo said. “Trust me, she already loves you. She asks about you on the phone, you know. She’s gonna love having you there as well.”

“You’re putting me on the spot, you know.” Heath folded his arms across his chest. “You realise _I_ have to get her a present now, right?”

Sugizo laughed. “Why are you making such a big deal about this? You’re the one who said it’s not about the presents and money can’t buy memories.”

“I think it’s a bit cheap to be using my own arguments against me,” Heath sulked.

“Lighten up!” Sugizo kissed the top of his head. “It’s not like we’re asking for her blessing to get married or anything silly like that. It’s her birthday for heaven’s sake. It’ll be really low-key and nice, I promise.”

Heath just grumbled.

 

***

 

“Why did I let you talk me into this?” Heath hissed. 

He’d spent the entire flight worrying about meeting Luna. She was still a bubbly, easily-entertained child when he’d last seen her but now she was an adult with thoughts and opinions. Somehow it felt more intimidating than the first time he walked on stage at Tokyo Dome in front of 50,000 screaming fans.

“ _Now_ who’s looking constipated?” Sugizo grinned.

“Shut up.”

“Just relax!” Sugizo said. “If you keep being this uptight, she might actually not like you.”

“Oh, thank you, that makes me feel loads better,” Heath said sarcastically.

Sugizo patted his shoulder soothingly and rang the doorbell.

“Coming!” said a voice from inside. There was the sound of running feet and the door was flung open. “Dad! Oh my god!”

Sugizo gathered Luna up in his arms in a tight bear hug and kissed her cheek while she squealed happily. “How’s my beautiful birthday girl?”

“She’s missed you!”

“And you remember Heath, right?”

“Of course!” Luna disentangled herself from her father and stood on tiptoe to give Heath a hug. Over the top of her head, Sugizo looked at him and gave him a smug look. _Told you_.

Heath blushed. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I remember when you were just this high…”

Sugizo groaned inwardly. He didn’t know what he’d do if Heath started dishing out crappy dad jokes.

“I’m so glad you were able to come as well,” she said, smiling warmly, and Heath was struck by how much she looked like Sugizo when he smiled. Definitely daddy’s girl.

“I um, brought you something,” he said awkwardly. “It’s not much. Just a little birthday present.”

“Oh, you really didn’t have to…” Luna held the elegantly wrapped box in both hands. “Can I open it now or…?”

“Um. Sure. If you like.” Heath felt like he was going to throw up, and Sugizo quietly reached over and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

Luna tugged at the end of the black satin bow and carefully undid the white wrapping paper, opening the lid on the little white velvet box inside. “Oh… ooh!”

_Aaaand she hates it_ , Heath thought. _Think I’ll go walk in front of a bus now_.

“Dad. Look,” Luna said, lifting a silver and pearl bracelet out of the box. “It’s so pretty.”

_She HATES it._

“Maybe Heath can help you put it on,” Sugizo suggested, and Heath wanted to kill him for saying that.

“Would you mind? Please?” Luna looked up at Heath earnestly.

Heath was so nervous that he nearly dropped the bracelet and he fumbled with the clasp for ages before he was able to get it secured.

“Look,” she said again, holding out her wrist. The pearls gleamed in the sun. “It’s gorgeous, I love it. Thank you! Thank you so much!”

Luna threw her arms around Heath again for another hug before stepping back to admire her new bracelet.

“Um… you’re welcome,” he said, looking pleased. “Happy birthday again.”

“It suits you,” Sugizo added. “Heath has good taste.”

“I know,” Luna said, and father and daughter shared a cheeky smile.

 

***

 

They spent five days in LA with Luna happily playing tour guide; in turn, Sugizo and sometimes Heath spoiled her rotten when they went shopping despite her protests, and they enjoyed delicious meals at some of the best eateries in town, ranging from cheap, moreish burgers and Mexican food to fine dining restaurants and the best ramen shops in town.

The last evening was just for the two of them, though.

“Thank you for an amazing birthday, Dad,” she said, hugging Sugizo tightly when they dropped her off at home.

He buried his face in her hair. “Love you, sweetheart,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “Love you always.”

“I know. Love you too.” She leaned in close and whispered something to him, and he smiled and gave her an affectionate squeeze.

Luna hugged Heath next and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, Heath. See you next time?”

“Yeah.” He smiled to himself. “Absolutely.”

“Good,” she beamed.

 

They shared a quiet dinner together at their hotel and Sugizo gazed across the table at Heath, wine glass in one hand, his chin resting in the other.

“Are you finally going to admit that you had a good time?” Sugizo asked.

Heath smiled. “Yes. You were right and I was wrong.”

“The best kind of wrong.” Sugizo took a drink of wine. “She genuinely likes the bracelet, too. I’m not just saying that.”

“If you say so.”

“I am saying so,” Sugizo insisted. “Trust me, that girl is an open book. She loves it.”

Heath looked down and blushed a little, fidgeting with hands in his lap.

“Know what she said to me before?” Sugizo asked.

“Dunno,” Heath shrugged.

“She said that we have to take good care of each other.”

Heath looked up and smiled. He looked purely happy. “We will. Of course we will.”

 

Walking out into the cool night, Heath slipped a hand into Sugizo’s.

“Well, we don’t have to be at the airport for a couple of hours yet. What do you want to do until then?” he asked, pulling Sugizo in against him and breathing in the soft scent of his perfume. “We have the whole city to ourselves.”

“Mmm…” Sugizo closed his eyes, relishing the feeling of Heath’s lips brushing against his cheek. “I have an idea.”

 

***

 

In their rental car, Sugizo pulled up at Santa Monica Beach and the two of them strolled along the sand, hand in hand, enjoying the cool ocean breeze. Heath thought that perhaps they were going somewhere for coffee or dessert, but Sugizo went past all of the restaurants and cafés. He did enjoy long walks on the beach but tonight, despite their leisurely pace, he looked like he was going somewhere specific so Heath let him lead the way.

They finally stopped outside a neat little café and Sugizo said, “I’m pretty sure this is the place.”

Heath looked around and his brow furrowed for a second, and then he smiled. “I think I know where we are…”

Sugizo nodded earnestly. “This is the one, right?”

Years ago the band had visited LA to film the _Showcase in L.A._ atop the Kodak Theatre. On the one day they had off, Sugizo had invited Heath for coffee on the beach. At the end of the night, it was outside this little café that they had shared their first very tentative kiss.

And it was outside this little café that they kissed again. It was the sweetest feeling in the world, to be deeply in love and bringing back special memories.

“You still make me weak at the knees,” Sugizo mumbled when they parted.

Heath drew his arms around Sugizo and touched their foreheads together. “That’s okay. I’ll always be here to catch you.”

 


	9. CARE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Hime - originally this was the other way around, but when I saw your comment I got them to switch places, and this is how it turned out! :)

Sugizo rolled over in bed and smiled. Beside him, Heath slept soundly. He looked so peaceful and comfortable that Sugizo decided not to wake him, carefully slipping out of bed and into the shower. Changing into a pair of old jeans and plain white t-shirt, he went to make some coffee and toast for breakfast.

By the time he was done with breakfast, though, he began to wonder about Heath. He liked to get out of bed early and go for a run, and even when he did sleep in, it was rarely this late into the morning. The smell of coffee was usually enough to wake him up, though, so Sugizo made a fresh mug of coffee for him and tiptoed into the bedroom. 

Clad only in a loose black tank top and silk boxers, Heath was still curled up in bed. The covers had been kicked away, his lean body and long legs on display, and Sugizo smiled. He felt so goddamn lucky to have this beautiful, kind-hearted man in his life. He carefully set the mug on the nightstand and knelt on the floor beside the bed, nuzzling Heath softly.

“Mm,” Heath mumbled sleepily.

“Hey lazybones,” Sugizo teased. “Are you going to get out of bed today?”

Heath sighed. “I’m tired. And hot. It’s hot in here.”

Sugizo cupped the side of his face, stroking his cheek with his thumb… and paused. He frowned and pressed his forehead against Heath’s. “You’re burning up.”

“Hmm?” Heath’s eyes were glazed and he looked confused.

“You have a fever.” Sugizo brushed Heath’s hair away from his flushed face. “That’s why you were feeling hot.”

Heath brow furrowed and he looked confused. “Oh.”

 

Sugizo racked his brains. Heath’s sweet and caring nature made him an excellent nurse whenever Sugizo was sick, so he tried to remember what Heath would do in these circumstances. Heath had a fever, so he needed something to bring that down.

Sugizo kissed Heath on the cheek. “I’ll be back.”

He went to the bathroom and rummaged around in the medicine cabinet. It was a mess in there, but he could tidy it up later. He grabbed a packet of paracetamol and then went to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water before returning to the bedroom.

“Here, take these,” he said, helping Heath sit up.

Heath gulped down the two capsules and sank back into the pillows with an arm resting over his eyes. Sugizo sat beside him, gently stroking his hair.

After a few moments, Heath drew a deep sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“Why? You can’t help being sick.”

“Because you have things to do but now you’re stuck taking care of my stupid ass,” Heath pouted.

“Excuse you, I happen to be very fond of your ass,” Sugizo retorted, reaching down to give it a pat.

Heath giggled.

Sugizo stroked his hair again and kissed his forehead. “Go back to sleep.”

“Ohh- _kay_ ,” Heath said, still pouting.

 

While Heath slept, Sugizo retreated to the study. Heath was a bit old-fashioned in some ways and still kept a booklet of important phone numbers written down, in addition to the contact list on his phone. Sugizo went through the drawers until he found the little book, pulled out his own phone and dialled one of the numbers.

 

***

 

Heath had fallen into a very restless sleep. Sometimes he was just barely awake and imagined that he could hear Sugizo moving about around their apartment, tinkering with this and that and talking to someone on the phone very quietly. Other times he slept deeply and he was plagued by abstract, nonsensical dreams that only a fever could conjure. Either way, he always woke up feeling just terrible. His body alternated between freezing cold and boiling hot. At one point he woke up _drenched_ in sweat and it felt disgusting.

“Sugizo,” he called hoarsely.

There was no answer, though, so he tried again, with the same result. Heath grumbled. Where the hell was he?

It took him a few minutes, but Heath vaguely remembered Sugizo saying that he was going out for a bit and would return soon. There was a fresh glass of water and two more capsules on the nightstand. He gulped these down and heaved himself out of bed and into the shower. He felt dizzy, his head weighed a tonne and his limbs had all the strength of wet spaghetti, but he felt a lot more human after washing the layers of sweat off and changing into a fresh t-shirt and boxers. Shivering, he crawled back into bed and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

 

Each time he woke up, the shadows in the room had changed as the sun moved across the sky. The next time he opened his eyes, the sun was setting. The glass by the bed had been refilled and there were two more capsules next to it. While he drank, Heath noticed that a delicious smell was wafting through the apartment. For some reason, it reminded him of his childhood home in Amagasaki.

 

Sugizo was sitting on the sofa watching TV with the volume turned down, and he looked up when he saw Heath staggering out from the bedroom, holding onto the wall for support.

“What are you doing?” he scolded, gently ushering Heath back inside.

“Something smells nice,” Heath mumbled, looking dazed. His stomach growled.

Sugizo helped him back into bed. “Are you hungry?”

“I don’t know. I think so?”

Sugizo pressed a hand to Heath’s forehead. He was still too warm, but Sugizo figured that the presence of an appetite was a good thing. “Stay here and I’ll bring you some food.”

“Okay.” Heath leaned back against the headboard and drew his knees up. He smiled to himself. It was nice to be babied once in a while.

 

Presently Sugizo returned with a bowl in his hands and he sat on the side of the bed. “Sure you can hold this without spilling it all over yourself?”

Heath nodded. “I’ll try.”

The bowl of okayu was steaming hot and Sugizo watched as he slowly ate a couple of spoonfuls and stopped.

“Did you make this?” Heath asked.

“Y-yes…” Sugizo said nervously. He knew that he wasn’t the best cook in the world—being wealthy enough to have other people do the cooking for you did have its downfalls—but he'd tasted it while he was cooking and didn’t think it was all _that_ bad. “Is it okay?”

“It’s delicious, but…” Heath ate another spoonful of the comforting rice porridge and gazed down into the bowl thoughtfully. “Maybe I’m going crazy. It tastes like my mother’s okayu. _Exactly_ like it.”

“Well…” Sugizo looked down and fidgeted with his hands. “It’s her recipe. I found her number in that phone book you keep. I called her and asked if she could give me her recipe. Um. I hope that was okay. She was really nice on the phone and stuff… and I kinda thought, if anything’s going to make you feel better when you’re sick…”

Heath was very quiet and when Sugizo finally looked up at him, the usually calm bassist looked like he wanted to cry.

“What’s wrong?” Sugizo asked, alarmed.

Heath carefully set the half-eaten bowl on the nightstand and pulled Sugizo into a tight hug, burying his face in his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Sugizo asked, rubbing his back. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Heath shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he murmured into Sugizo’s shoulder.

Sugizo gave him an affectionate squeeze before gently disentangling himself from Heath’s arms and picked up the bowl, placing it back in his hands. “Okay then. Eat up before it gets cold.”

Heath obediently finished it off and asked for seconds, and Sugizo beamed while he served up an extra bowl for himself. They ate together quietly, with Heath making small noises of contentment that made Sugizo feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

 

When Sugizo joined him in bed later that night, Heath snuggled up to him. “I just got off the phone with my mother.”

“Oh yeah? What’d she say?”

“She asked if the okayu turned out all right, and was afraid that her directions might be too confusing. I told her it was just like she made it.” Then Heath giggled a little. “She also called you a ‘very nice boy’ and she’s happy that you’re taking such good care of me.”

“Well… you’re important to me,” Sugizo blushed. “Besides, she wouldn’t think I were very nice if she knew what we did in bed.”

“You’re important to me, too,” Heath said, kissing him softly. “And my little old mother doesn’t have to know everything. Just that we’re in love.”

 


	10. HELL

“Oh my god.”

“He’s gonna KILL us.”

“We are _fucked_.”

 

Pata, Sugizo and Heath stared in horror at the deep red wine stain on Yoshiki’s white mohair rug.

 

Pata grabbed his coat. “Bye.”

“Get back here!” Heath latched onto the older guitarist’s arm and pulled him away from the door. “You have to help fix this. You’re as deep in this as we are.”

Pata grumbled and threw his coat back onto the chair. “Fine. Can’t we just throw it in the washing machine?”

“It’s a massive rug, Pata! It’s not going to fit in the washing machine.”

“So buy a new one then,” Pata said, shrugging.

“Yeah, we’ll just walk down the street and buy a $4000 Turkish mohair rug from freaking Family Mart,” Sugizo said sarcastically.

Pata snorted. “Okay then, genius. What do you suggest?”

Sugizo was already on his phone Googling ways to get red wine stains out of rugs. “What time did Yoshiki say he and Toshi were coming back? 4 o’clock?”

“Yeah…”

Sugizo grabbed Heath and Pata by an arm each. “That gives us just over an hour.”

  


10 minutes they were all kneeling on the floor armed with all sorts of bottles. Heath set to work trying to blot up the worst of the stain with paper towels and baby powder.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute…” he looked at the pink-stained paper towel. “This is looking good so far…”

Pata peered over his shoulder at the rug. “It doesn’t look as bad as it did.”

“Move,” Sugizo said bossily, shouldering his way in. He shook a can of stain remover vigorously and depressed the nozzle. White foam puffed out and slowly expanded and Sugizo gingerly spread it over the stain, trying to gently work it into the hairy rug. He let it sit for a couple of minutes and wiped it off.

“It’s coming out!” Heath cheered.

“Not enough,” Sugizo said, gritting his teeth. The stain was still very pink and obvious on the off-white rug.

Pata tried next, drizzling some of Yoshiki’s expensive shampoo onto the stain, adding a splash of water and working up some thick, beautifully perfumed suds. “This has got to work. At the end of the day it’s just hair, right?”

Heath and Sugizo clung to each other nodded nervously while Pata shampooed the rug with great care.

“You look like you really know what you’re doing,” Heath said with wonder.

“’Course I do,” Pata said, flicking his long hair back over his shoulder. “How else do you think I keep such gorgeous curls?”

 

Pata dutifully massaged the suds into the rug for a little while longer and asked Sugizo to grab a couple of wet tea towels to rinse the shampoo out. Heath fetched a hairdryer and blow-dried the patch of wet mohair until it was dry and fluffy.

Sugizo stood up and walked around the rug in a circle. “It’s tonnes better,” he said. “But it’s still a bit pink.”

“Ah geez!” Heath ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Okay, I have an idea.”

He seized the bottle of baby powder and sprinkled a generous amount of it over the faint pink stain, running a hand through it to distribute the fine white powder through the fibres.

“How’s that?”

“Better,” Pata started to say, but then they heard a car pulling up in the driveway.

Sugizo paled. “Quick, we need to put all this shit back!”

The three of them scrambled to return their cleaning gear to their rightful places and made it back to the living room just as the key turned in the front door, breathing hard from their mad sprint around the house.

 

Toshi and Yoshiki stepped into the house, Yoshiki holding a couple of shopping bags for tonight’s dinner and Toshi holding Yoshiki’s dog Melody. They stopped and stared at the trio.

_Shit_ , Heath thought behind his fake smile. _They can see it_.

Toshi sniffed the air. “Huh. It smells nice in here.”

Yoshiki shrugged and went to put their shopping away, while Toshi put Melody down onto the floor. He picked up the half-finished bottle of wine that had been the root of the afternoon’s mad cleanup, pouring himself a glass and following Yoshiki into the kitchen.

 

Pata breathed a sigh of relief, and then they all froze again. Melody had started sniffing at a very particular spot on the rug. Sugizo tried to shoo her away but she ignored him, rubbing her paws into the spot that Heath had recently disguised with baby powder.

“Go away!” Sugizo hissed, flapping his hands at her.

“Stupid dog!” Pata muttered.

Heath stretched out a foot to push her away but she just climbed over his leg and started rolling around on the rug.

 

“Melody, what are you doing, sweetheart?” Yoshiki asked.

The little dog scrambled up and ran around him in erratic circles.

“Whoa,” Toshi said, laughing. “Watch it th—”

 

It happened so fast that nobody really saw it, but there was an ear-splitting yelp from Melody mixed with Toshi’s horrified scream, and a smash as the wine glass flew out of his hand, spilling its contents on the floor and Yoshiki’s white mohair rug.

 

Yoshiki went to pick up Melody from where she was crouched, holding up her sore paw and looking at Toshi accusingly.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Toshi regained his footing and stared at the pool of wine that was quickly soaking into the rug. “Shit! Is that going to come out?”

“Eh,” Yoshiki said with an indifferent shrug. He was busy scratching the little dog around the ears and gave a cursory glance at the mess. “I’m going to throw it out anyway. I’m so sick of this one. It’s such a bitch to keep clean.”

 


	11. PAIN

Heath looked desperate. “Sugizo, no,” he pleaded.

Sugizo gently put both hands on Heath’s shoulders. “This is for the best.”

“But—”

“You know there’s no choice.”

Heath’s hands clutched at Sugizo’s sleeves. “I can’t...”

Sugizo sighed. “Heath, we’ve already come this far. There’s no turning back now.”

 

Heath bit his lip and Sugizo hated seeing the tears well up in his pretty eyes, but he had to do this. There was no other way.

 

He gently pushed Heath into the dentist’s chair.

 

“You’ll be fine,” Sugizo assured him. “They’ll give you novocaine. You won’t feel a thing—”

“But I’ll _hear_ it!” Heath retorted.

“—and I’ll be looking after you until you’re all better.” Sugizo rubbed his shoulder reassuringly and turned to leave.

Heath grabbed his sleeve again. “Where are you going?” he demanded. “Aren’t you going to stay with me?”

Sugizo blinked at him. “Oh, god no. Dentists freak me the fuck out.”

“But—!”

 

Sugizo closed the door behind him, took the comfiest-looking chair in the waiting room and picked up an old magazine. Just in case, he put his headphones in and cranked the volume to drown out the scream of the dentist’s powertools.

  


An hour later the door opened and the dentist emerged, smiling.

“The procedure went well,” she said. “We were able to extract both wisdom teeth cleanly. He will be just fine, just a little sore. No solid foods for three to four weeks.”

Heath wandered out looking not fine. He had a popsicle in his mouth and he looked very grumpy. One side of his face was swollen and it looked very uncomfortable. He shot Sugizo a baleful glare while he finished off the dentist’s paperwork and paid for the procedure.

The dentist’s nurse handed him a sheaf of papers outlining post-op care. “Would you like to take these home as a souvenir?” she asked cheerfully, holding up a little plastic jar that housed the offending wisdom teeth.

This time Heath directed his glare at her and she shrank back a little.

Sugizo put an arm around Heath’s shoulders and turned him away. “I think what he’s trying to say is, no thank you,” he said politely.

  


The painkillers that they had prescribed were potent and Heath was fast asleep soon after they got into the car. Sugizo was relieved by this. It meant that he wouldn’t have to deal with Heath’s wrath for a while.

 

Arriving at Heath’s apartment, Sugizo gently shook him awake and practically carried him inside. “How do you feel?”

Heath curled up on the sofa and sulked.

Sugizo sighed. “Are you still mad at me?”

All he received was a haughty sniff.

“You know you had to get them taken out,” Sugizo said, using his most soothing voice.

This time Heath looked at him accusingly. “You woulbn’t eben thtay— _ow_ ,” he cringed and held both hands to his face.

“I’m sorry,” Sugizo said apologetically and pulled him into a hug. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. And like I said, I’ll be looking after you until you’re all better and you don’t look like a hamster storing food for winter.” He laughed when Heath hit him with a cushion.

 

“No, seriously though,” Sugizo chuckled. “What do you want? I’ll go get it for you. Anything you want.”

Heath lit up a little. “Weally?”

“Really.”

 

* * *

 

A few hours later Heath was still lying on the sofa when he heard the lock turning in the front door.

 

“Honey, I’m home!” Sugizo announced.

Heath sat up and held a notepad up for him to see: _What took you so long?_

“It took a while to find all of this stuff on your list,” Sugizo said. “I had to go to three different stores.”

Heath turned the page: _Did you get everything?_

Sugizo grinned. “Nearly everything. I got the cake, the pudding, the peanut butter. The three different ice creams. Whipped cream. Chocolate syrup. Triple cream brie. I didn’t get you the stuff for vodka jelly shots, you’re not to have any alcohol.” He put the bags down on the kitchen counter. “Oh and I thought you should eat some real food, so I got you some soup, bananas and about twenty jars of baby food.”

Heath held out his arms and made puppy dog eyes.

“Aww.” Sugizo sat down beside him and gathered him in his arms. “Poor thing. Would you feel better with some ice cream?”

Heath nodded vigorously.

 

While Sugizo was busy scooping out a big bowl of vanilla ice cream with a generous drizzle of chocolate syrup, there was a knock at the door, and Heath hauled himself up off the sofa. When he opened the door he was greeted by Pata, Toshi and Yoshiki.

 

“We heard you were feeling poorly and we’ve come to cheer you up,” Yoshiki said, waving.

“It’s nice to see that you’ve finally put on some weight, even if it’s all on your face,” Pata said, and he grinned when Heath gave him a very dirty look.

Toshi gave him a big hug. “Is Sugizo taking good care of you?”

“Damn right he is,” Sugizo said. Heath took the bowl and retreated to the sofa, digging into the ice cream enthusiastically and beaming.

“Hey, can I have some?” Toshi asked. Heath shook his head and jealously hugged the bowl to himself, scowling.

Pata laughed. “Careful, Toshi. You might lose a hand.”

 

Sugizo followed Yoshiki into the kitchen. “I just bought a bunch of food for him, though.”

“Yeah, and I brought some more!” Yoshiki said cheerfully.

Sugizo reached into one of the bags. “Beer. Pringles. Coke. Oh, frozen yogurt, finally something he can eat. Popcorn? Yoshiki, he can’t have alcohol and he can’t chew.”

“Whaaat? No alcohol?”

Sugizo sighed. “What’s this, then?” he asked, pointing at the thermos.

“Oh, I made him some soup,” Yoshiki beamed.

“You… made it?” the guitarist asked warily. “As in, you cooked it yourself?”

“Yep.” Yoshiki looked very pleased.

Sugizo carefully opened the thermos, took a sip and nearly spat it straight out.

“What’s wrong?”

“That’s not… very good,” Sugizo said. His eyes watered.

“But I followed the recipe and everything!” Yoshiki protested.

Sugizo gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder. “It’s okay. You’re an excellent musician and composer.”

“Aw, thank you,” Yoshiki said, smiling.

“It’s not a compliment, dummy,” Pata said dryly. “He’s saying your cooking sucks.”

“Hey!”

 

Sugizo quickly walked away so that Yoshiki wouldn’t see him sniggering, and even Heath was hiding a smile behind his ice cream bowl.

 

“Don’t worry,” Toshi said, chuckling at Yoshiki. “ _I’ll_ be taking care of dinner tonight.”

  


Toshi fixed up a delicious meal of agedashi tofu and miso soup that everybody enjoyed, but Heath was looking sleepy so Sugizo tucked him into bed while the rest of them continued chatting quietly for a little while.

 

Toshi looked at his watch. “It’s getting late. We should go.”

“Okay but let us know if you need anything else, okay Sugizo?” Yoshiki said.

Pata thrust the thermos back into Yoshiki’s arms. “Here, don’t forget your poison.”

Yoshiki unscrewed the cap and peered inside. “But I don’t get what’s wrong with it…”

 

Sugizo closed the door behind them and turned out all the lights, walking slowly in the dark and following the gentle glow of the bedside lamp to the bedroom where Heath was sound asleep, doped up on painkillers.

 

Heath’s notepad lay on Sugizo’s pillow, and Sugizo carefully tiptoed over to the bed and picked it up.

 

_Thank you for taking care of me. I love you._ ♡


	12. LOST

From where he sat on the sofa, Sugizo watched Heath drifting about the house aimlessly, in and out of rooms, occasionally grumbling or sighing or looking at Sugizo in a way that he could only describe as ‘weird’, and it made him feel uneasy.

 

It had all started a few weeks ago, when Sugizo noticed that Heath was looking sort of distracted.

“What’s up?” he asked, trying to be helpful.

“Hmm? Oh, nothing,” Heath said absentmindedly, and wandered into the bedroom where Sugizo could hear him rummaging around in there. Heath was not absentminded so this unusual behaviour instantly caught Sugizo’s attention.

One night as they lay in bed, Sugizo asked him again. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

Heath hesitated before saying, “Nothing.”

“Come on, don’t be like that,” Sugizo chided. “You’ve been acting kinda funny all week.”

“I’m fine,” Heath insisted.

“Heath.” Sugizo’s voice became a little more serious. “If something’s wrong, you know you can talk to me about it, right?”

“I know.”

“You can talk to me about anything.”

“I know.”

“And you’re sure that nothing’s wrong?”

“Uh-huh,” Heath said, nodding.

“Okay.” Sugizo studied his expression carefully. “Love you.”

Heath smiled. “I love you, too.”

Sugizo reached over to turn out the bedside lamp, and in the darkness he felt Heath snuggle up to him. Reflexively, Sugizo put an arm around him and pressed an affectionate kiss to his hair that made Heath sigh contentedly, but Sugizo wasn’t convinced that nothing was wrong. When Heath fell asleep, Sugizo was still awake, going over their stilted conversation, trying to find an answer or even a clue. He spent so much time fretting over this that he barely got any sleep, and he woke up feeling ragged and grumpy.

By contrast, Heath looked well-rested and somehow this irritated Sugizo even more. Even though he did his best to mask it, of course Heath noticed.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Sugizo rubbed his face with both hands. “Yeah. I just… didn’t sleep well last night. Feel like crap.”

“I’m sorry,” Heath said with a sympathetic little frown. “You could have woken me up if you wanted. You know I don’t mind.”

“Yeah but I don’t like doing that.” Sugizo kept his head down and busied himself brewing up an especially strong cup of coffee.

Heath mulled upon this over his breakfast. “What can I do to make you feel better?”

“What do you mean?”

“Want to go shopping or see a movie or something?” Heath suggested. “Get some fresh air?”

Sugizo shook his head. “No, I’ll be okay.”

“I know,” Heath said as if Sugizo hadn’t spoken. “Let’s go out for dinner tonight. We haven’t had a proper dinner together in at least a year.”

Despite Sugizo’s protests that he didn’t need cheering up, Heath made a few calls and, within the hour, had booked dinner for two at a high-end Italian restaurant that very night. Sugizo had to admit that it was nice, and even fun. This was definitely a treat and they deserved to have the time to themselves without worrying about work or anything else that might be bothering them. Tonight was just about them. The wine was good, the food was even better, and the restaurant had a cellist playing in the corner that just made the atmosphere all the more romantic.

Tucked away at a private table all by themselves where they were out of sight of the other restaurant patrons, it made them feel so young again to go out on a date, smiling at each other over their wine glasses, making each other laugh, flirting and holding hands across the table. Sugizo watched Heath’s brow furrow slightly as he examined the dessert menu for a long time. Finally the slender bassist pushed the menu away, pouting about how he couldn’t decide, so Sugizo ordered a tiramisu. Heath looked delighted when the confection arrived, but Sugizo pulled the dessert away from him, just out of reach, and he pouted even more.

Slyly, Sugizo scooped up some tiramisu and held the spoon out. Smiling, Heath let his lover feed him dessert and Sugizo watched, utterly infatuated, when his pretty eyes fluttered closed as he relished the creamy, syrupy dessert, and he just had to cradle the back of Heath’s head and kiss him. They were being disgusting but he didn’t care; he was enjoying being disgustingly in love, and by the slow, sensuous way Heath kissed him back, he was enjoying it, too. Sometimes kissing him was better than sex, and they kissed like that for a long time. The only thing Sugizo could think of was how besotted he was with Heath, until they were interrupted by a passing waiter wondering if they needed their water glasses refilled. A little embarrassed, they parted and finished off their dessert, sneaking cheeky looks at each other and giggling like stupid teenagers.

 

While their table was being cleared, Heath excused himself to go to the bathroom. Sugizo waited patiently at the table with a dopey smile on his face, reflecting on the wonderful night they’d just spent together. If the world imploded tomorrow, he’d die a happy man; probably the happiest man in the world. He almost didn’t notice when Heath returned to the table.

“Oh, hey,” Sugizo said, a little abashed at having being caught daydreaming.

“Ready to go?” Heath asked.

“Yup.” Sugizo got up and reached for his wallet in his back pocket, but Heath put a hand on his arm.

“I’ve already paid.”

“But…”

“Shut up,” Heath said playfully. He rested a hand on top of Sugizo’s. “Let’s go home.”

 

The drive home was spent in contented silence with Sugizo’s hand on Heath’s knee.

 

When they made love that night it was intensely passionate, yet so tender and romantic that Sugizo couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with love for the beautiful man in his arms. They weren’t concerned with finishing; tonight it was all about being together and enjoying each other as only lovers could, and Sugizo had never felt so fucking happy in his life.

This spell of euphoric love didn’t last long, though, and pretty soon Heath was back to acting strangely, and it was worse than before. One day Sugizo had come home to find that Heath had practically rearranged the entire house. The more he observed Heath’s day to day behaviour, the more his heart sank. Heath refused to admit it, of course, but there was definitely something going on and Sugizo came to realise that it really was starting to scare him. Heath wasn’t cold to him, but whenever they hugged or kissed, he seemed distant or distracted. Sugizo did his best to push these intrusive thoughts away, but finally he couldn’t ignore them any more: Heath was thinking about leaving him.

And Sugizo had no idea how to deal with this. He debated calling one of his friends about it, but he could never bring himself to do it. At the back of his mind, he knew that his reluctance to reach out to someone about it was because he didn’t want to admit that there was a problem. If he didn’t speak about it, he could pretend that everything was okay.

But what about that beautiful night they’d spent together, flirting happily and kissing and making love? Surely someone doesn’t do that if they’re going to break up with their lover? Or what if Heath was using that as a way to reassess his own feelings for Sugizo? What if… what if Heath hadn’t meant any of it?

 _No_ , he told himself. _I_ _know_ _Heath and he really was happy. He wasn’t putting it on_.

 _Maybe you don’t know him as well as you think you do_ , sneered the mean little voice inside his head.

 

In the end, it was driving Sugizo crazy and he snapped. “What’s going on with you?”

Heath had been sitting at the other end of the sofa, texting someone, but he looked up at Sugizo’s tone of voice. “Huh?”

“I said, what’s going on with you?” Sugizo said brusquely.

“N-nothing…” Heath stammered, putting his phone down.

“Bull!” Sugizo felt himself getting angrier. Why was he still denying it? “You’ve been acting weird for weeks and you won’t talk to me about it. I can’t figure you out. You’re like a completely different person.”

Heath said nothing but he looked a little ashamed.

“Well?” Sugizo demanded. “Are you going to tell me, or are you just going to walk out and leave me?”

“Wh-what?” Heath looked up and blinked at him incredulously. “Leave? Who’s leaving?”

“That’s what’s happening, isn’t it?” Sugizo asked bitterly and shit, he could feel tears stinging his eyes and he _really_ didn’t need that right now. “You’ve been skulking around because you’re going to leave me, aren’t you?”

To Heath’s credit, he actually looked horrified at this. “I’m not… why would you think that?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Sugizo snapped. “Maybe because you’re being weird and then you take me for a romantic night out and make me think that I’m so fucking in love with you, and two days later you’re acting like a stranger again, and I don’t know if you’re on or you’re off, and you won’t tell me what’s wrong?”

“Oh god…” Heath bit his lip and turned away, and he had to stifle a sob.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” Sugizo demanded.

Heath looked at him with tears in his eyes. “No, Sugizo,” he whispered. “It’s not.”

“Then _what is it_?”

“I…” Heath hiccupped a little. “I’ve… I’ve misplaced something. Something important.”

“What, your brain?” Sugizo said savagely.

“No,” Heath said, wincing at his tone. “It’s… a piece of jewellery.”

“A piece of jewellery!” The guitarist threw up his hands in exasperation. “All this fuss over _a piece of jewellery_.”

Heath hugged his knees and he looked unhappy. “It was a… ring,” he said in a small voice.

“So fucking buy another one!”

“I can’t.”

“Why the hell not?”

“This one’s special.”

“What’s so special about a fucking ring?” Sugizo shouted. “It’s not like it’s an engagement ring or anything, for fuck’s sake!”

 

Heath looked at Sugizo with such a helpless expression that all Sugizo could do was stare at him with his mouth open.

 

“Are… are you fucking joking?” he croaked out.

Heath just scrunched down into his seat even more. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Sugizo, but he did manage to shake his head. He wasn’t joking.

Sugizo was overwhelmed with an intense feeling of _oh my god, I’ve made a terrible mistake_ and the two of them sat there in an awkward, tense silence.

“Are you serious?”

Heath’s eyes flickered in his direction and he nodded.

Sugizo was still baffled. “Me?”

“No, Sugizo,” he said, his voice heavy with sarcasm. “Not you. Someone _other_ than the man I’ve been in love with for the past eight years. You know, the one that _I live with_ and that I’m banging on a regular basis.” Maybe it was a cheap shot, but he felt that he was entitled to it after having being yelled at like that.

Sugizo said nothing, just kept staring at him.

“I tried to hide it,” Heath said in that small voice. “But I kept having to move it because you nearly found it a few times. And now I can’t find it and I’ve looked _everywhere_ and I’ve practically turned the whole place upside down and…” He buried his face in his arms and sniffled.

Heath looked so small and defenseless and Sugizo’s heart went out to him. He pulled Heath into his arms and held him tightly.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he murmured into Heath’s hair. “I know that doesn’t make it better, but… I can’t… how could I think that you were going to leave me?”

“‘Cause you’re stupid.”

“Says a lot about me, huh?” Sugizo said ruefully. “I don’t deserve someone like you.”

“No!” Heath protested. “That’s not true. You do make me happy. That’s… that’s why I want to… but I can’t find it.”

“It’ll show up eventually,” Sugizo said soothingly. “The only thing that matters is us. Right? Are we okay?”

“I… I don’t know.” Heath shrugged doubtfully. “You tell me.”

Sugizo stalled. “What? Why?”

Heath blushed. “Well. Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because,” Heath mumbled. “I don’t… I mean, you haven’t…”

“Haven’t…?”

By now, Heath’s face was deep red. “You haven’t said.”

“Said what?”

Heath looked pensive. “You _know_.”

Sugizo’s cheeks turned pink. “But you haven’t asked me.”

“Stop embarrassing me, Sugizo."

Sugizo chuckled. “What’s so embarrassing about asking someone you love, ‘Will you marry me?’”

Heath was quiet for a moment and then lifted his head to look at Sugizo. “Yes.”

Suddenly Sugizo felt a flutter of nervous elation. “Really?”

“Yes,” Heath whispered with a small smile. “Will you?”

Sugizo reached out and took his hand—god, they were both shaking—and gave it a squeeze. “Yes.”

 


	13. BEST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, I did another smut, what's wrong with me. Happy birthday SGZ!

“I do believe that was one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had,” Sugizo announced happily, kicking off his shoes and dropping his keys on the table by the door.

Heath smiled. “Only _one_ of the best?”

“Well I’ve had a fair few of them and you can’t always have a favourite,” Sugizo mused. He took Heath’s hands in his own and kissed them tenderly. “Except you. You’re my favourite.”

Heath chuckled to himself. Even after all these years, Sugizo could still make him blush like a teenager. To hide it, he stooped to line up their shoes neatly against the wall and Sugizo laughed. Heath just couldn’t help being neat.

“Leave it!” he said, tugging Heath’s hand. “What say we take a nice, long, romantic shower together?”

“Oh, I’d love to but I was going to make a start on that huge pile of laundry…”

“Laundry can wait!”

“Waiting is how it got so big and someone complained that they were running out of clean underwear!”

“It’s my birthday,” Sugizo reminded him.

Heath gave him a little kiss on the cheek. “Your real birthday’s tomorrow, Sugihara.”

“I can’t believe you’re passing up a sexy shower—with _me_ of all people—to do freaking laundry!” Sugizo pouted and pretended to be hurt.

Heath kissed his pout away and pushed him toward the bathroom with a playful smack on the rear. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

 

Sugizo was still smiling when he got undressed and stepped under the pelting hot water. Tonight was the second birthday party he’d had, with the first one being a rowdy, boozy affair with just about everybody in the music scene. This one was more intimate, just a quiet evening spent with the guys at a nice restaurant and Yoshiki was paying. They enjoyed a relaxed dinner with good food and excellent wine, and at the end of the night the birthday presents had come out. Yoshiki gave him a $3,000 bottle of red wine that Sugizo graciously shared with everybody, despite their protests that he should enjoy it for himself.

“I am enjoying it,” he insisted, raising his glass in a toast. “This is how I want to enjoy it. With friends.”

Toshi’s gift to him were generous donations to several charities, and Sugizo was touched by his thoughtfulness. By contrast, Pata and Shinya had decided to be funny and gave him a mirror, “Because you’re so in love with yourself.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sugizo said, making a big show of checking his hair in the mirror.

Ryuichi, J and Inoran had spent the better part of the last twelve months compiling a very fat, very heavy scrapbook of photos of Sugizo with almost all of his musician friends since their indies days. The book had been flown all over the world with personal birthday wishes written by everybody.

Last came Heath’s gift: a small box wrapped in black paper, topped with a white satin ribbon. Inside was a beautifully understated white gold necklace by Sugizo's favourite designer that he had been eyeing off ever since the new collection was unveiled. Everyone at the table had gone “ _Ooh!_ ” when he lifted it out of the box and Sugizo hadn’t been able to stop smiling all night.

 

That same necklace was sitting on the bathroom counter while Sugizo rinsed the conditioner out of his hair, turned off the water and dried off. He was a little disappointed that Heath hadn’t snuck into the shower with him after all, but that was okay. The important thing was that they were happy together, and sometimes that did involve mundane chores. He tucked the towel around his waist, fastened the necklace about his neck and padded into the bedroom feeling warm and fresh and relaxed.

 

Sugizo stretched out on the bed, folded his arms behind his head and closed his eyes with a contented sigh. “Heath!” he called. “You coming to bed or what?”

When he received no response, he assumed that Heath hadn’t heard him. Then he felt the end of the bed dip and Heath crawled on top of him and captured his lips in a gentle kiss. Humming with delight, Sugizo reached up to stroke his hair, kissing blissfully for a while until Heath broke the kiss and gazed into his eyes.

“Happy birthday, love.”

Heath was wearing Sugizo’s favourite outfit: a crisp white shirt with the top few buttons left undone, black leather trousers that fit those long legs so well, they might have been painted on, and dark smoky eye makeup. His long black hair spilled over his shoulders.

It took a while before Sugizo could find his voice again. “You’re… beautiful.”

Heath murmured in his ear, “All for you. You can do anything you want with me.”

“Heath…” Sugizo sighed. “You don’t need to seduce me, you know. I’m already crazy about you.”

Heath sat back up. “Huh. All right, then, if that’s the way you feel…”

“No, Heath, I didn’t m—”

“...I’ll just take it all off.” 

Heath looked him straight in the eye and slowly undid the rest of the buttons on his shirt and reached down for the fastenings on his pants.

Sugizo swallowed hard. “Wait.”

Heath stopped and Sugizo sat up, gently brushed his hair aside, cupping his face and kissing him deeply. His other hand slipped beneath Heath’s shirt and came to rest at the small of his back, pulling him close, and Heath responded by pressing his body against Sugizo’s and kissing him back just as passionately. Heath fumbled to do away with the towel around Sugizo’s waist, working it loose and Sugizo groaned with pleasure when Heath straddled his lap.

“Anything you want,” Heath purred.

This drew another groan from Sugizo and he palmed Heath’s length through those tight leather trousers. “What do _you_ want?” he panted.

Heath tangled his fingers in Sugizo’s hair and kissed him hard, rocking their hips together. “I want you.”

Sugizo kissed his mouth, his neck, his chest, sliding the shirt off his slender shoulders, groaning softly when Heath’s hand closed around his cock. He let his fingers dance along Heath’s skin, along the curve of his spine, up his thighs, finally settling on that leather-clad ass and giving it a squeeze.

“You’re fucking perfect, you know that?” Sugizo breathed into his neck.

Heath responded by grinding his hips into Sugizo’s lap and spoiling him with the hottest kisses imaginable until it drove Sugizo mad with lust and he fumbled to undo the fastenings on those pants and slipped a hand inside.

Sugizo made a low noise of appreciation. “No underwear.”

“Nope. All of this is yours.” The bassist gave him one more passionate kiss before tugging his pants off and reaching for the lube in the nightstand. “How do you want this?”

“Mmm.” Sugizo pulled him back down into his lap, nuzzled his neck, breathing in the soft scent of his perfume, relishing the feeling of skin against skin. “Just like this, I think.”

“Lights on or off?”

“On. I want to be able to see you.”

Sugizo’s breathing became heavy and laboured as he watched his lover pour lube onto his hand to slick up the birthday boy’s cock. Heath leaned in for another searing kiss and took one of Sugizo’s hands to gently guide his length inside him, easing it in inch by agonising inch, his slender body arching beautifully until Sugizo was fully sheathed inside him. They stilled for a moment to catch their breath and then slowly moved in perfect rhythm.

“You feel… so… fucking good,” Sugizo crooned. No matter how much they did this, they could never seem to get enough of each other. He let his hands rest on his lover’s waist, Sugizo torn between wanting to watching Heath ride him with his gorgeous body on display like that, and the pleasure pulsing through his body that made him want to squeeze his eyes shut and just concentrate on _feeling_. Instead, he reached up to caress Heath’s face, drawing his thumb across those lush lips and groaning with pleasure when Heath gently sucked on his fingers, gazing down at him lustfully. Sugizo let him take control and Heath gradually increased his pace until they were both panting hard, Heath’s hands digging into Sugizo’s shoulders while he rode him harder, his body arched back, his breath hitching in his throat, moaning sinfully, which meant that he was really close. Sugizo closed a hand around him, handling his cock exactly how Heath liked to be touched, and Heath’s breathing turned into ragged sobs when he came all over Sugizo’s hand, making a mess between them, all but collapsing onto him.

“Well done,” Sugizo murmured. “You all right?”

“Yeah.” Heath gave an exhausted laugh when his guitarist twitched inside him, and he rocked his hips against him to tease him. “Just… intense.”

And with that, Sugizo swiftly flipped them over, still inside his lover, and he fucked him with everything he had left, Heath’s hands scrambling for purchase against the bedframe while Sugizo thrust inside him, every drag of that hard cock sending a new flood of pleasure through them both. Heath’s length, still slick with cum, was starting to stiffen again and Sugizo took him in hand, stroking him in time with his thrusts, reducing Heath to a helpless, writhing mess beneath him, pushing his hips up to meet that hand, and Sugizo suddenly pulled out and he took both of their cocks in his hand, pumping them together until the feeling of their hot, wet cocks against each other and the friction of his hand had them coming one after the other, pouring out over Heath’s skin.

 

Heath was panting heavily and Sugizo collapsed beside him. His hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat and he squeezed Heath’s thigh with his clean hand.

“Heath?”

“Mm?” Heath looked over at him, eyes glazed with pleasure.

Sugizo leaned in and kissed him tenderly. “How about that shower now?”

 


	14. TALK

Heath rolled over in bed. “Can’t sleep?”

“Yeah. Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No. Something on your mind?”

Sugizo reached up to take his hand and kissed it very lightly. “Everything and nothing. Brain just won’t switch off.”

“Hm. I hate it when that happens.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Want to get up and put a movie on or something?”

“Nah. It’s okay. Go back to sleep.”

Heath snuggled up against him, resting his head on his chest, so Sugizo started stroking his hair idly. It felt nice.

“Heath?”

“Mm?”

“How long have we been together?”

A low chuckle. “Is this a test? It’s not anniversary time, is it?”

Sugizo laughed as well. “No and no.”

“I think it was around… Pata’s birthday that year which was… six? No, seven years.”

“Ahh. I couldn’t remember if it was six or seven.”

“Why?”

Sugizo shrugged as much as having Heath draped over him would allow. “Just wondering, that’s all. Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we never got together?”

Hearing this, Heath lifted his head and looked down at Sugizo. “Are you trying to break up with me?” he asked accusingly.

“No no no,” Sugizo said quickly. “It’s just hypothetical. You know, like how differently would your life had turned out if you had made one choice instead of another.”

“I guess every choice we’ve made in life has brought us here.” Heath put his head back down. “But I like where we’ve ended up.”

“Me too.”

 

They were quiet for a few minutes and Sugizo wondered if Heath had fallen asleep on him, until he felt his hand reaching up to touch his face.

“Do you remember the time you asked me out?”

“Mm. Yeah.”

“Oh. I was kinda hoping you’d say no…”

Sugizo laughed. “Why? Because you were drunk and accidentally told Toshi that you liked me, and then he told me?”

“So ‘mbarrassing,” Heath muttered.

“You were so nervous when you showed up at my place that first time for dinner and a movie.” Sugizo wrapped both arms around him and kissed his hair. “It was so damn cute.”

Heath couldn’t help giggling at this. “You were trying so hard to make me feel comfortable, too. I really appreciated that. I think that might have been the moment I fell in love with you.”

“Mmm,” Sugizo mused. “For me I think it was when we were talking about… I don’t even know what we were talking about. That wine you brought, maybe. But we started laughing and that moment was just so… _perfect_.”

“It was,” Heath agreed. “I think I wouldn’t have minded if you’d jumped my bones right then and there.”

Sugizo snorted. “Was I or was I not the perfect gentleman?”

“You were absolutely the perfect gentleman. You walked me to my car and kissed me and stuck your tongue down my throat.”

“Yeah, and you liked it,” Sugizo grinned.

“You said, and I quote: _There’s more where that came from_.”

“If I recall, you had yourself a little bit of a grope, Mr. Shy and Innocent!”

 

They both collapsed into giggles at that fond and awkward memory of their first date.

 

“Well, I’m too awake to go back to sleep now,” Heath said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Sure you don’t want to put on a movie?”

“I could go for that.”

They climbed out of bed and stumbled around in the dark to the living room, squinting when Sugizo turned the lights on. Heath went to fetch them a couple of drinks and the pair curled up on the sofa together with Sugizo’s arm around Heath, absentmindedly twirling his silky hair.

“Hey.”

“Hmm?”

Heath raised his head and gazed at Sugizo. “Love you.”

Sugizo smiled and gently coaxed Heath to rest his head back on his shoulder. “I love you.”

 

When the sun rose that morning, Sugizo and Heath were in each other’s arms, sound asleep. Heath stirred and opened his eyes. Still asleep, Sugizo looked so comfortable and content. Heath gently kissed his forehead and closed his eyes to go back to sleep.

 


	15. FOOL

It all started the morning Sugizo forgot that Heath was in the shower and flushed the toilet, and the resulting shriek and a crash from the bathroom sounded like someone was being murdered.

 

“What happened?” Sugizo shouted, throwing the bathroom door open.

Heath was in the shower, naked and soaking wet and mad. “What the fuck!” he screamed.

“What what the fuck?”

“The water just went really cold!”

Sugizo stared at him for a second and then started laughing hysterically. “Oh god, that was me. I was using the toilet. Sorry!”

“What the fuck!” Heath yelled again. “Did you do that on purpose?”

“Of course not,” Sugizo howled. “Sorry, love, I really didn’t mean that!”

Glaring, Heath turned the water off, grabbed his towel and kicked the still-laughing Sugizo out of the bathroom.

 

Thankfully, Heath could never stay mad at anyone for long and within an hour they were all smiles and kisses and everything was as it should be.

 

“Argh, where is it?” Sugizo muttered, digging through his drawers a couple of days later.

“Whatcha looking for?” Heath peered through the doorway.

“My white t-shirt. I swear I saw it recently.”

“Oh, that.” Heath wandered off and came back and dumped a pile of freshly-laundered clothes on the bed. “Here it is.”

“No that’s not…” Sugizo trailed off and narrowed his eyes. The t-shirt Heath was holding up _did_ look like his white t-shirt, except it wasn’t white. It was pink. “Oh my god. You didn’t.”

“Didn’t what? Put it through a hot wash with something red?”

Sugizo swore and snatched the pink t-shirt out of his hands. “Are you fucking serious?”

“That’s what you get for flushing the toilet while I was showering,” Heath said primly.

“But that was an accident!”

“Yeah, and you felt so bad that you couldn’t stop laughing.”

Sugizo tossed the t-shirt aside and backed Heath up against the wall. “Heath, you know I love and adore you, and I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“But?” Heath smiled sweetly.

Sugizo kissed him. “You realise this means war, right?”

Heath kissed him back even more passionately. “Do your worst.”

 

The pair now spent most of their time looking at each other suspiciously, wondering what his lover was scheming and when the next prank would befall them. Heath got into his car one morning and when he shut the door, there was an almighty _bang_ and everything turned white. He crawled back out of his car looking like a ghost, coughing and spluttering, absolutely _covered_ in flour.

 

The next day was hot and Sugizo complained that he was thirsty. Heath handed him a frosty bottle of Coke which Sugizo accepted gratefully. He twisted the top open and was about to take a drink when foamy Coke started spewing out of the bottle’s neck like a geyser.

“The fuck?!” Sugizo panicked, switching the bottle from hand to hand, trying to drink what was gushing out of the bottle and finally running to the kitchen to dump it in the sink.

Heath grinned and popped a Mentos in his mouth.

 

Late at night, Sugizo dumped out the contents of the little bottle of hand moisturiser Heath kept in his bag and refilled it with something else. He watched Heath squeeze a little bit onto his hands… and then stopped.

“Wha…” Heath cautiously sniffed his hands and made a face. “What the fuck! This is mayo! Jesus christ, what the fuck!” and he ran off and spent ages trying to get the greasy smell of mayonnaise of his hands.

 

Two days after that, Heath was just sitting down with a freshly-brewed cup of coffee when Sugizo emerged from the bedroom with a towel around his waist, holding up a lacy red satin thong.

“What have you done with my underwear?” Sugizo asked testily.

“What?” Heath blinked up at him innocently. “I think it suits you.”

“You replaced _all_ of my underwear with women’s lingerie?”

Heath smiled into his coffee. “Yes.”

 

Since Heath loved his coffee so goddamn much, Sugizo exacted his revenge by replacing it with espresso, and the jitters set in not long after he’d finished the coffee.

“Heath, stop fidgeting!” Toshi complained. “You’re practically vibrating!”

“I just can’t help it,” Heath muttered. “I can’t sit still. I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack or something.”

“Too much coffee?”

“No, I only had one cup.” He glanced over at Sugizo who quickly tried to hide a smile. “Oh my god, what did you do to me?”

Toshi groaned and got up and left.

 

The next day, Sugizo met with the rest of Luna Sea for a studio session and as soon as he thumbed the first string on his guitar, he knew something was wrong. Frowning, he tested the rest of the strings and realised with a sigh that Heath had re-tuned the guitar to drop D, and they couldn’t start playing anything until he’d tuned it back up again.

 

Annoyed with this, Sugizo waited until Heath was in the shower that night and broke into his phone, changing his ringtone before carefully putting it back where it was.

Heath wandered into the bedroom pulling an old t-shirt over his head and eyed Sugizo suspiciously. He was reading something on his iPad and appeared to be busy; Heath’s own phone didn’t look like it had been touched but he wasn’t convinced that Sugizo was innocent. He picked up the phone, pretending to check the time. It _seemed_ okay.

“Well, I think I’m done for the day.” Sugizo put his iPad away and kissed Heath good night.

 

Heath was still convinced that Sugizo had played another prank on him, so he decided not to wait to find out, and he broke into Sugizo’s phone while he was sound asleep.

 

“Whatever his next prank is, I’m all set up to get him back,” Heath said to Pata over lunch.

“Why, what’d you do?” Pata asked.

Before Heath could answer, they were interrupted by the sound of a baby wailing. Annoyed, they looked around to see who the culprit was, but the youngest patron in the café was at least 10 years old, and now people were beginning to give _them_ dirty looks. Finally a woman at the next table leaned over and pointed at Heath’s bag. Baffled, he reached into it and pulled out the source of the offending racket: his phone. The caller had just hung up. Sugizo.

“Oh my god, that bastard, he changed my ringtone!”

Pata sniggered. “That’s a pretty good one. Basic but good. What’d you do to him?”

Leaning over the table, Heath began texting Sugizo:

Thank you for the new ringtone, you prick.

 

A few seconds later, Sugizo’s reply popped up:

You’re welcome, darling ;)

 

“Asshole.” Heath texted back:

I’ll get you. Btw what are you up to? Want to grab lunch with me and Pata?

 

Already got plans, I’m going out with Shinya for anal 

anal

anal

WTF

anal

Shinya and I are having anal

Not anal, anal!

L U N C H with Shinya

What the buttplug

What the f u c K

What did you do to my g-string???

*p h o n e

buttplug

F.U.C.K!!!!

 

Pata was howling with laughter while Heath grinned:

Payback’s a bitch.

 

You deserved it

That’s small payback for messing with a man’s nipple

nipple

g U I T A R

I AM GOING TO KILL YOU

 

Yoshiki was somewhat less than impressed with this latest stunt after he saw that his own name autocorrected to ‘Drama Queen’ and demanded a truce and ceasefire. He forced Heath and Sugizo to shake hands and apologise (to him, not to each other), and made them swear up and down to stop playing annoying pranks on each other.

“Yes, sir,” Heath said solemnly.

Sugizo nodded. “I promise.”

Yoshiki heaved a sigh of relief. “There. Was that so hard? Now go home and sleep it off, you two. I swear to fucking god, you’re all such a pain in the ass…” Yoshiki stomped off, muttering to himself.

Sugizo looked at Heath sideways. “You’re a maggot.”

Heath smiled. “Love you too.”

 

The pair kissed and made up, and went home to spend a quiet, prank-free night snuggled up in bed watching movies with pizza and beer.

 

At 11pm, Yoshiki finally wandered down to the studio’s parking lot to go home. For some reason everyone was giving him weird looks as he went, but he thought little of it. He dug around in his pockets for his keys… and then he stopped and sighed.

 

Sitting on the hood of his Ferrari, open for everyone to see, was a magazine clearly depicting nurse porn.

 


End file.
